I’m officially home and battling the traces of jet lag by typing this in the middle of the night. I pray that it turns out more cohesive than scattered. This is a verse that helped bring clarity/peace yesterday, as I was reflecting upon the trip. Proverbs19:21 Many are the plans in man’s heart, But it is the Lords purpose that prevails.
Before leaving, I had various passions and plans about my future. Sometimes, the thought of the future was overwhelming unclear. At one moment, my mind would be on the orphans in Africa and Cambodia… and then at the next moment, think of the direction of the American church. Or maybe I would think of the disconnectedness of families, and then ponder what factors prevent people from embracing community and each other... Since, coming home from “The Race” I’ve been told that I’m different, distance, distracted, disinterested, and even delusional. With the truth of all these words surrounding me, I wondered... “Where do I go from here?” I have a passion to see… The care of the orphans and widows The satisfaction of the hungry The provision of the provision The sight of the blind The sound of the deaf The inclusion of the outcast The courage of the afraid The joy of the depressed The fullness of the broken The comfort of the forgotten The giving of the rich The illumination of the dark The restoration of the guilty The life of the dead The counsel of the elders The wisdom of the ignorant The unity of the divided The humility of the prideful The enlightenment of the confused The reconciliation of the family The repentance of the stubborn The fluidity of the rigid The freedom of the captives… To say the least, all of these passions and thoughts were more than overwhelming and equally intimidating. It seemed that everywhere I turned, I was asked… “What’s your plan?” “What are you going to do now?” “What’s the future look like?” And every time I would think, “That is the worst question to ask an introspective person…” I’m constantly living in my mind and to ask a question that is unanswerable will only lead to disillusionment and a cognitive stupor. But according to the masses, it seemed that I should have a plan or a direction, yet I had none. I would express my passions but that’s not direction that’s a mechanism for movement. So here I was with all the fuel for life with out a direction. In contrast to the expression “up the creek without a paddle”, I was “up the creek without a map.” I knew life would take me somewhere, but I had no idea where. So before going to the Pacific Rim, I had applied to a mission’s organization and was planning on partnering with them possibly with two year’s of service, yet the night before leaving I received and email saying that I had not yet been accepted, because I had not received medical clearance. So here I was trying to create direction for my life… mainly to satisfy the question of what I’m doing with my life, yet sometimes felling pressured to choose this venue of missions. I enjoy living in foreign countries, learning from cultures, eating weird foods, having a conversation without words only smiles, speaking a new language, and even walking everywhere I go. The thing is that I enjoy so many things in life, but it doesn’t mean that I am should follow my passions. Of course God has given me passions, but He has given me these passions so that I can enjoy and honor Him. The outcome is enjoying Him. My desire is not to fulfill my passions, but to enjoy Him. Whether I am eating weird foods, hiking through the forest, fishing with my dad, singing songs of praise, holding an orphan, or even hugging my mother, I am fulfilling something I enjoy, yet I desire to be able to enjoy Him and praise Him in/for these things. If my purpose in living is enjoying and being satisfied in Him then, no matter what I do or where I am I should be satisfied. I should be content to live with what I am given and that much more appreciative of its origin. So here I am after returning from the Pacific Rim realizing that my true calling and passion may not be missions, but it is honoring/worshiping Him in whatever I do, and seeing others doing or coming to do the same. My passion is to see Him magnified not only in my life but also in the lives of all. May God help me realize/live that my life is not just about a job or position. It is to be satisfied and loyal to Him whether I am in a supermarket isle, behind a desk at work, on a run with a friend, or serving in a foreign country. By now some of you may still be wondering… “So what’s your plan?” And with a slight chuckle, I say, “Only God knows…” He does know and whatever I do He will give me the grace I need to Honor Him. I have a heart for missions foreign and domestic. I long to see people changed by the gospel… forever grateful for His grace and forever satisfied in Him.
